I've been struggling lately, to my chagrin, with writing. Yes, I've actually considered giving up because it hasn't brought me the pleasure of thrills I used to experience. Even the thought of attending my most favorite writers conference where I feel like queen, made me feel numb.
My writer wings are drooping, my golden quill dulling.
It makes me want to cry, because this is not me! Where is the drive? It was as powerful as hunger!
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You know, something my husband mentioned to me in a prayer together, was that the Lord had set forth in motion my gift of writing and He would want me to pursue it. How much smaller could I feel? I wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.
Shame on me for snubbing such a wonderful thing from God. Shame! I feel like the prodigal son.
I am not proud to admit any of this, but I want all of you who are writers to know that what you have is truly a gift from Heavenly Father. It is absolutely NO coincidence that you can write a poem. A novel. A short story. An anything! It is a gift from God to share with His children; a chance for YOU to be heard.
I don't want to ever, EVER feel like this again. I don't. I don't want you guys to feel like this, either. If you do, please send me an email (elizabethmueller6ATgmail). I'm really good at building friends up, bringing that old flame to life again so that you can regain that strong drive to writership.
Every time I hear a writer feeling doubts, it feels like an angel losing his or her wings. It's a sad thing, isn't it? I'll do anything to encourage my writerly pal--even if we've never met in person, you're still my friend.
I am not giving up, just so you know...
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*I am posting this on all my writing blogs because I feel it very important to share!
What a beautiful reminder that this is a gift and we need to remember that when it gets difficult. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI've studied the lives of many great artists and thinkers, and most of them had what I call a "gathering time." They weren't producing anything, weren't pursuing their genius on the outside, but inside they were collecting the richness of soul they needed to do their work.
ReplyDeleteSo don't chastise yourself for giving your writing a breather. It sounds like now it is ready to stretch its wings again, and I can't wait to see you fly.
Thanks for this post. I'm so glad to know that I'm not the only one who sometimes doubts herself. Even when I have success, I can often lose the "spark" and wonder if I should just give in. But I never do. Instead, I employ my technique for getting through anything difficult--just fifteen minutes at a time.
ReplyDeleteHeather, thank you. I have to kick myself forward: I'm my only failure!
ReplyDeleteRebecca, you're so sweet! Thank you for the boost, that's so good to hear. *Hugs*
Kim, wow, that's a great way to tackle something that feels all-powerful and hopeless. Thank you so much for sharing. <3
You're welcome, Eliz! And it was great to talk to you the other day. Hang in there and KEEP WRITING.
ReplyDeleteI love Kim's fifteen minutes at a time idea. That's how I came back after my last long break. It was so hard at first, but I did a little every day, until finally there came a day when I didn't want to stop!
Beautiful drawing, by the way.
"drive to writership" - I love that! Something that is so a part of you will return. I like Rebecca's idea about laying fallow. We don't allow ourselves enough generosity of spirit, sometimes. If you had a writerly friend who was feeling as you do, you would give her a hand up, no? Allow yourself the same grace.
ReplyDelete:)
A friend of mine once pointed out how heartbreaking it was to see promising writers disappear. Their careers were slowly taking off, they sold some short stories, and then they stopped writing. But it's easy to understand how this happens. It's *so* much work to get your career going, so many long hours to put into stories that are ultimately just learning experiences, rather than saleable, or the ones that do sell go quietly away weeks after they come out.
ReplyDeleteWhenever I hit a rough patch (and we all do, don't we?) I think to myself, "How much will I regret giving up now? How excruciating will it be a year or a decade from now to wonder what could have been?" And, consider the few lone fans out there who are cheering for you to make it - because no matter how low our moods go, all of us have a few of those. Family counts!
Elizabeth, you know, it's hard when there's a problem and you're not sure what it is. I love what Rebecca said about a 'gathering time'. We can't always keep up the same pace. It helps to stop, think things through, and find out where the joy is, and how it came in the first place. We're cheering for you! And I love how you express yourself, both with words and with art!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I rambled about the fun factor on my blog earlier this week, here:http://www.emilymah.com/2011/03/two-sayings.html
ReplyDeleteNothing spectacularly brilliant, but maybe will make you feel you've got company during the low times.
Hey, I'm normal! I do this, too. I just told my hubby the other day that I was a fraud because I'm not spitting out pages. He told me to be nice to his wife and that every person deserves a vacation from their work to rejuvenate. What a nice guy.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this post. :)